Ever since Chris and I decided to get married, I have worried about the stereo-type of the "wicked" stepmother. I mean let's face it, Stepmother's really are not portrayed in the best light! (Thanks Walt-Disney!) I try really hard to not be too hard on Cameron and Reagan, and I try even harder not to over step my " step-motherly bounds". I guess today I may have failed a little bit, and in turn earned my mean and wicked stepmother badge.
About a week ago, I went to pick up Cameron from school. He promptly announced that he had his mid-term report with him. I asked him to show it to me, and he said "I'll just read it to you". Uh, oh, red flag. As he started reading, it sounded like he was doing a pretty good job. He had all A's and a few were A-'s. Oh well...still an A right? He has always gotten really good grades, so I honestly wasn't worried about his mid-term. Then he got a little quieter and he read, "C". Whoa! Cameron has NEVER gotten a "C" before! Then he got to the next grade "C-". Holy Crap! TWO C's and one was a C-?
When we got home I looked at his mid-term, and it wasn't AS bad as I had envisioned it, but not what I had expected from him either, and I knew for SURE it wasn't at all what Chris expected. He was reading me everything on the report card. His teacher had it broken down into subjects, as well as into categories within the subject. So his actual grades were A's and 1 C. When Chris called later that day, I broke the news to him. After he talked to Cameron on the phone for awhile, we talked about things also, and decided he needed to be grounded from cartoons for that day. Maybe that was a little harsh, but we thought he needed to know we knew he could do better then a "C".
I was now on the other side of the table! Instead of being the third grade teacher, I was the third grade parent. I decided to do what I appreciated parents doing with me as a teacher, get the teacher's take on things. I talked to Chris about it, and he thought it was a good idea too. So I called his teacher and talked to him about what was going on. He gave me some much better answers then Cameron had as to why he was getting a C. Chris talked to him on the way to school the next day about what his teacher and I had talked about and what we thought we could ALL do to fix things.
So I thought things were going good, or at least better. So, last night at dinner I asked him if he had turned in his flip book #5 that was late, and if he had caught up on his flip book #6 and turned it in on Friday. Well...he had turned the late one in, but this weeks, he didn't know what happened to it and so therefore had not turned it in. What happened to the progress I thought we were making?!?
This morning I took him to school and I decided that I was going to go into his classroom, and clean out his desk. Before we got to school I asked him if it would be OK if I went into his class. He immediately was on the defensive. "WHY!?!" I told him I wanted to check his desk and make sure his flip book wasn't hiding somewhere in there. Well, he wasn't happy about that at all. We pulled up to the school and I parked the car. Reagan, Keric and I got out and followed Cameron as he walked ever so slowly into the school. His head was even kind of hung down.
I started feeling guilty, and wondering if I had made a mistake dragging us all into the school. However I was strong and stuck to my ground. I was going to do what I said I was going to do. I hate empty threats/promises. We walked into his classroom trying to be as discreet as possible. I know a Mom carrying a baby seat with a Kindergarten sister tagging along isn't all that "discreet" but I really did try. I cleaned out his desk, which was actually very clean, but no luck with finding the missing flip book. He immediately said to me "I told you!" I told him to just make sure he talked to his teacher about re-doing it and to bring it home so we could get it done. I then found his Vocabulary sheet for this week, and told him I wanted him to bring that home too, along with his reading book. He said "I know, I know".
I had pretty much accomplished what I had set out to do, plus it didn't take a genius to tell that I had long overstayed my not so very welcomed welcome, and school was about to start. I told him to have a good day, and then told him good bye. He wouldn't even LOOK at me, let alone tell me goodbye!
I grabbed Reag, and Keric and snuk out the door before the bell rang. I didn't even talk to his teacher, or anything. I was only in there for MAYBE 5 mins, and it wasn't like I was dressed in my nightgown and rollers in my hair,(Believe me, I have seen Mom's do exactly that when I was a teacher!) but despite my efforts, I still apparently ruined his entire day.
As I drove home I realized that my fears had come true. I was now officially a "mean and wicked step-mother".
It's hard being a step mom. You don't know where your Mom "job" begins and where it ends with your kids. I would have, and WILL do the same thing with Reagan and Keric when that day comes. I mean did I freak out about nothing?!?! Chris DID ask me "What are you going to do when Keric gets a C?" I realize that's a LONG way's away, but I am fairly certain I will do the same exact thing that I have done with Cam!
It must be awful to have a step mom, and even more awful to have a step mom who was also once a teacher, and knows all the tricks!
6 comments:
OK, I don't think you are awful at all. All you want is for Cam to do his best, but he's a kid and might not understand that as much as you would like him to. I think you are doing a great job!
i dont think you could help yourself, being a 3rd grade teacher what would anyone else expect?? he'll just know that he cant sneek stuff by you and chris now! i say way to go for sticking to your guns.
I am printing this blog entry out and filing it away in "what to do" when Stone comes home with his first "C". Or maybe I'll let Rick be the bad guy...that sounds much easier:) Miss you Nat! We need to do lunch sometime soon!
Don't be so hard on yourself! While I can't say I relate, I can definitely appreciate your feelings. But, like you said at the end, you did exactly for Cam what you would've done for Keric. You're a great mother and a great step-mother...you care...and that is important, whether or not Cam realizes that now.
I have always wondered about the same thing. No one want to be thought of as the Wicked Step-mother. But sometimes it's not easy and finding those boundries is hard. It sounds like you are doing a great job and doing the most important things, loving them and doing what you would do with Keric if he was in the same situation. They are lucky to have someone that loves and cares for them as you do.
Wow! I have the BEST friends! :) Thank you all so much for making me feel better! You guys can really make a girls head swell! ;)
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