While I was in college doing my student teaching, we had to write down what was called an "A-ha" moment everyday in our journals. An "A-ha" moment was a moment that happened during the day that either taught us something, or reminded us of something we already knew. Kind of like a light bulb turning on moment.
Today I had an "A-ha" moment, and decided I should write it down in my "journal".
This past Friday, all of the teachers went back to school. Basically that just means they are in meetings all day long until Thursday when the kids start back. For whatever reason I had kind of a hard time on Friday. It wasn't that I wanted to be sitting in the hot un-air conditioned high school auditorium listening to another "motivational speaker" telling me how to make this year the best year of my career, or that I missed sitting in hard, old, squeaky wooden desks talking about my curriculum plans for the up coming year with a bunch of other third grade teachers, but I guess I was missing being a part of "something". I felt like something was going on without me.
Yesterday I got a text message from one of the teachers that I taught with. She was telling me how much everyone missed me on Friday and how weird it was not having me coming back this year. Anyway, after I talked to her I decided that I would go and visit all my friends this morning since I was feeling so "left out".
Bubby is usually up early anyway, so I just got us both ready and headed over around 9 a.m. so I could see everyone before their 10 a.m. meetings started. When we got there everyone was so excited to see us. Some of the teachers had never seen Keric, so they were excited to see him for the first time. Of course I didn't have Bubby for more then about the 2 mins. it took me to walk through the door, and then he was being passed around from teacher to teacher for the next hour. It was so fun to see everyone, and it was good to kind of get "caught up" on the Summer happenings and gossip. You know how I LOVE a good story. :)
Anyway, as I was sitting in the library in the midst of all their curriculum planning and teachers talking I was watching my little boy smiling and talking to my old friends and I suddenly had an "A-ha" moment. I didn't feel "left out" anymore. I didn't feel like I was missing out on something, or that I was being left out of something. All I felt was extreme gratitude for being able to stay at home with my little baby! I couldn't imagine having to sit there planning all day and knowing that my little happy boy was smiling and "talking" to someone else. It was too sad to even THINK about! Right then I realized that I could take my little baby at any moment and walk out the door with him and go home. I know that sounds like a weird thing to realize, but it felt like some kind of new found "freedom" or something. He is already growing up too fast, and I'm with him 24/7! I can't imagine having him growing up without me!
I was glad that I got up and went over to the school today so that I could see my friends, but also so that I could have a much needed "A-ha" moment! I had my time as a teacher, and I loved it. I may even go back to it one day, but now my time is at home, and I'm glad I'm here! Yes I get overwhelmed with the late nights and early mornings, the never ending piles of laundry, and the cleaning that never stops, but it's where I know I need to be and I realized today there is no where else I would RATHER be! I'm even more grateful that I have a husband who is willing to support me in being here.!
I guess I'm not as much of a working woman as I thought I was....at least not right now in my life. Right now I'm Keric's Mom, and I am very thankful to have that title!
4 comments:
I had planned on going back to work in the salon after my first was born! I had him and I knew I COULDN't go back to work! I wanted to be the one to raise my baby.....I too am glad for a husband that was suportive of that decision! There are days when I miss the social atmosphere of the salon.....ok and the GOOD gossip, but I wouldn't trade that time with my kids for ANYTHING!! I am glad you get to stay home and be a mommy! It's the best job you'll EVER have!!!
I agree that being fortunate enough to stay home with your children is such a wonderful blessing, and yes..sometimes it's a blessing in disguise. There are hard moments, but I wouldn't trade my time with my kids everyday for anything!
I went through that feeling when I first started staying home and it took me going back to work PT to realize that I really loved being home. Now I can't imagine going back. Everything in it's own time.
Ok...I'm going to validate your feelings here. Natalee...you are so lucky to have had the opportunity to get an education, AND have a career, and THEN have Keric. I know without a doubt you are a better mother than ever, and I wish my kids had the opportunity to have someone grounded, and stable. I'm jealous! I'm trying to make the best of it though. I have always felt one step behind. I'm so happy for you Nati!
Post a Comment